Fears and Falls

3 YEARS AND 1 MONTH...7 DIFFERENT LINES OF TREATMENT...50 TREATMENTS

"Sorry, we need to start a new line treatment.  It just isn't doing what we want it to do."           Seriously!?!  Three failed drugs in a row. Why me? Seven months of wishful thinking, willing these drugs to work, ending up with nothing but disappoint and a spreading cancer. How much fear and how many falls can a person take?  

I used to be able to count the cancer lesions. Now I've lost count as it continues to gather around my sternum and slowly creeping into my lungs.  So...where do we go from here?  Well we have started my 8th line of treatment, Navelbine and Herceptin infusions.                                                     I just simply need this one to work.

People often ask me how I deal with all of the fears and falls. I cannot really explain it, but I believe that I get back up every time through the grace of God.  I take time for myself and try to wrap my head around the disappointments..."processing" is what I call it.  I take the quiet alone time that I need to process. As I work through it, I slowly start gaining back my strength and bravery...reminding myself that I have to keep moving forward and remembering that everyday is a gift full of blessings!  I cannot waste it feeling sorry for myself.

Don't let yourself get so busy that you fail to see all the blessings around you. I love the little surprise blessings.  When you think of someone and, then they call or you run into them somewhere.  When it has been a hectic day and you get a card in the mail from someone wishing you well.  When you get up a little late, and you end up catching the most beautiful sunrise.  

So to answer the question...how much fear and how many falls can a person take? The answer is simple, but yet most difficult. Stand back up and find grace in the everyday. Sometimes, you do have look hard, but grace is always there.